70 to -19 Wind Chill

Baja to Montana.

Culture shock.

That's what that is.

Does 70 to -19 also mean seventy years old minus nineteen equals fifty-one years old?  Maybe in someone else's life!  Not mine.

I haven't written because, frankly, I have been 'speechless.' 

Silenced.

Humbled.

It was/is a mile marker.

For me.

It is snowing right now.  Snowed last night several inches.  Left my world in a 'new winter sleep.'  Quiet.  Waiting.  To be 'kissed by the sun' in some future month.

A good metaphor for me right now.  I feel somewhat dormant.  

Caterpillar-like.

Quietly, gently, gestalting what is true for me.

Now.

Earthshaking.

Yet not.

Am finding what a relief it is to not believe much of anything.  Have read, heard, for years:  Let all your beliefs go.  

No easy thing.  That.  

Yet, also...surprisingly seamless.

At the Course In Miracles Academy years ago, we used to say:  "Goodie, I am wrong...again!"

Was hard.  At first.  The ego doesn't like to admit being wrong.  Ever.

But.  Now.  Truly.  What a relief it is.

To be wrong.

I don't have to 'take a stand.'  A position.  Defend.  Anything.

I know nothing...for sure.

Only.  That I seem to be 'self aware.'

Nothing.  For sure.  Beyond that.

I can just be.

I can just do what I do.

Not for a reason.  But.  Just because I happen to do it.

And that, surprise of all surprises, seems to work.  

Just fine.

More than 'just fine.'

I feel like I am in the flow of life.  Have actually pulled the oars in and am going where the current takes me.  

Choosing that adventure.  That unknown.  See where that takes me.

I was planning on going to Vietnam.  Now not.  No real reason.  The current just shifted.  I now may go to Toronto?  

I guess I will go where I go!

ahhhhhhhhhhh 

I love the 'don't have to' of my life.

And guess what?

I now ski for FREE!  

What a fun perk.  What a fun 'don't have to' if I don't want to without feeling guilty of wasting ski pass money!

Is now the 'free' feeling I get when skiing....magnified.

My new metaphor for living.  

That free, quietly exhilarating, dance down the mountain.

Rather than the difficult, stressful, trek up.