In Baja & Nearing Seventy

Well, here I am again, in warm, sunny Todos Santos.

Ahhhhh.

From -5 to 68.  From white/grey to technicolor.

Flowers, birdsong (yes, roosters, too), hummingbirds, open windows/doors, palms rustling, waves crashing, aromas, t-shirt pjs, dirt roads/pot holes, and retraining about not throwing t.p. into toilets!

From wearing 'chains' on shoes to wearing nothing on feet.

From cautious stepping to mindless wander.

Liberation.

Freedom.

And yet.

Uncannily, experiencing "Ground Hog Day" movie.

"Been there.  Done that.  Again."

Life seems to be that in most ways for me of late.

Rereading: I AM THAT (talks with Sri Nisargadatta Majaraj).   And.  Am revisiting, again.  Remembering, again.  That this world is a dream of my own making.  An illusion.

Some excerpts:

"To crave is to slave.

Everything happens by itself, quite spontaneously.

To want nothing and do nothing--that is true creation.

To watch the Universe emerging and subsiding in ones' heart is a wonder.

When effort is needed, effort will appear.

You need not push life about.  Just flow with it and give yourself completely to the task of the present moment, which is the dying now to the now.

For living is dying.

Without death life cannot be.

Don't be afraid.  Don't resist, don't delay.

Be what you are.

There is nothing to be afraid of.

Trust.

Give your real being a chance to shape your life.

You will not regret.

The Universe of Pain is born of Desire.  Give up the desire for pleasure and you will not even know what is pain."

on and on............

So.

Here am I.  With some time to contemplate.  Reflect.  Remember.  From Whence Am I.

To once again.

Surrender.

This life we live.  This self-awareness we have.  This apparent duality.

What a thing it is.

Before leaving Montana, a dear friend visiting her family, asked me:  What is it like nearing seventy?  What are you feeling?  Thinking?

Provocative questions.

I am noticing several things.

My temptation to keep trying to 'be somebody.'  Establish a viable identity.  Like 'be a Human Design Analyst.'  Like 'DO' something in the world.

Have noticed feeling more and more 'invisible' as I age.  In social environments, noticing that if I am quiet....I am not noticed.  Engaged.  Unless I initiate.

I think in our primarily narcissistic culture with so much focus on being/looking eternally young that our elderly are not as honored, respected, included as in other cultures.  And that is even changing as those cultures are westernizing.  Having 'the reflection of aging' front and center just brings our mortality to close to home.  Too painful to accept somehow.  So.  Need to avoid that reflection?

It has not been without some effort, some struggle, to surrender to this aging process.  To no longer being middle aged. The mirror is not so friendly.   The uphill grade when hiking not so friendly.  The subtle and not-so-subtle memory challenges not so friendly.  The wearing out of body parts not so friendly.  

I am noticing that the idea of death doesn't bother me so much.  The idea of the process of dying is not so friendly.  But how else are we gonna get outta here?

More.

The idea of more is up to consider.

More time so that I can see the grand girls grow up.  Whom they become.  Whom/if they marry.   More time to watch my son, my daughter's lives unfold.  Yet that inkling of fear for them.   What trials ahead?

Maybe I will post  the story:  "Phew, I Made It" from my book.....seems timely.   It's like:  Phew, I made it.....without (fill in the blank) happening.   Phew, 'they' made it without......     Made it.....where?  To 'their' deathbeds?   

Crazy world, this.

Crazy mind, mine.

I think I have decided to do nothing.

Do what shows up to do.  

Not strive anymore.

Try that.

See what happens.   What life brings to me.  Without me trying to bring it to me.

Not strive to return to Idaho.  Not strive to sell houses.  Buy houses.  Move.

See what the flow of life brings to me.

Do what I do.

"Give my real being a chance to shape my life."

Experience that.

Just.

Stop.

Trying.

And.

See what happens.

Feliz Ano, all.

Besos y Abrazos!