During one week recently, a three month old infant, a forty-four year old son, a sixty year old sister of a dear friend and an eighty-six year old friend were informed of possible life threatening illnesses.
I have been witnessing my emotional responses. Have found that I am more kind, less self-involved, more aware...even of the subtle and not so subtle weather. More in contact with friends, family. I have been highly motivated to clean out my closets, drawers, files...almost driven.
Get my life in order.
Just in case.
Consciously living with the question: Is today the day I will die?
I even taped a card with that question on my bathroom mirror where I see it each morning and throughout the day. Reminding me of the fragility and temporal nature of life. What haven't I done? In case. What haven't I said? In case. Where hasn't love been expressed? In case.
I invite you to confront yourself with that question in this unavoidable tangible way.
It is an outrageous act.
Courageous.
Even.....playful...on some level.
It says: Wake Up! Stay Awake! Be Present! Live!
Just in case.
My wonderful friend...for me the question each day is not, "is today the day I will die?"; but, "is today the day I will start living?"...choosing to do the things I "want" to do (as today - lay on the couch on do NOTHING!), rather than the things I "should" do (laundry, un pack, review reports..); choosing to be awake instead of asleep; choosing to be optimistic and seek the purpose in all things, rather than be pessimistic and cynical about the world we live in; and choose to TRUST the process, rather than resist the flow of life. WILL I CHOOSE TO LIVE, TODAY??
ReplyDeleteI love you, girlfriend. I so 'get' your twist on the idea.
ReplyDeleteFor me...I think I have to 'scare' myself abit...like....you 'could' die today, ya know? " What are you going to do with this day? It may be your last. "
Thanks for your support in responding, sweet one.
lovelovelove, b
Bonnie, thank you for sharing! What about 'choosing to die each day to the old ways, and starting to live in your new awareness--reaching toward being in the moment'.
ReplyDeleteHow does 'new' show up for each of us? And is is real, or just a twist on the old ways?
Keep it coming!
Love, Jeanne
from Betty in Baja:
ReplyDeleteMy heart was moved with your 'musings' and can only imagine the deep, deep searching you have gone through and continue to do so......'growing up'....is hard to do....but it is nevertheless,challenging and rewarding with the insights we gain, the comfort we receive, the motivation that comes.....and sometimes, the neatest filing system, the cleanest house and the range of emotions we can feel and express.
I have been walking the same path as you, for ever so long.....and yet there is so much to learn.....but one thing that I have settled.....which seems obvious, yet not so common....is this.....No matter who they are.....all, all, all people are only 'LOANS' to us.....be it parents and children, spouses, family, friends......no one owns anyone.......It makes it easier to enjoy the present, a bit easier, with gratitude and love......less focus on one's self and more awareness of 'things and others' around us. Nature (ie) mountains, streams, for me, presently it is whales and ocean, even the wind, become special......and when the future arrives ( does it ever? ) we have given and received maximum.....and are more complete persons than if we had never examined life and meaning.
That is not to say that we do not feel the loss, or anticipated loss of those who have become so special to us.....but our pain can be palliated with gratitude for 'the loan' and contribution they have made for our lives.....and conversely, for the privilege of knowing and relating to them.
I envision relationships as holding a butterfly in open hands.....close your fingers and it can be crushed or fly away......another analogy is carefully holding a new born......or fine beliqu (Irish) porcelin china, with 'great care'.......the secret being ' open hands '......
I hope you don't think I am preaching, but these are lessons I have learned.....from life....not from books and they are worth sharing....but not many want to 'hear them'....but you do.
What a special person you are.....so deep, spiritual and intelligent.....caring and humorous along
with it....you have a big bundle of qualities, my dear.....keep searching and growing and sharing.
Hope you can understand my rambling.....not literary perfection.....right?
Blessings to you
Betty
Betty...you should write. What beautiful expression of your feelings.
ReplyDeleteI love both your idea of gratitude for 'the loan' and contribution of others and the delicate analogies. For me, remembering that others in my life have been 'loaned' to me for an indeterminate time and frequency is very helpful in terms of not taking their presence for granted. "Oh, I'll call tomorrow or next week."
I may have to make myself another card for the bathroom mirror!