"Potpourri"

Wow...where did ten days go?????

Have several thoughts popping into my mind to share so decided to call this posting 'potpourri'.  I don't think I have ever had occasion to write that word before.  Went to my dictionary...tried several ways to look it up, but not po't'.  Had to call my editor girlfriend to find out.  How does someone learn our language?  My my.

Well. 

So far there are four of us who learned how to swim in Fleischacker Pool! Isn't that a kick? Three of us live in Whitefish!  Have been sent very fun links to revisit Playland in S.F.  The Fun House with it's scary red haired laughing lady, the 'record player' wooden disk you were thrown from as it turned faster and faster (only the lucky person who pushed and fought to sit in the exact center survived). The thrilling steep undulating slides with scratchy burlap bags which were usually lost on one of the dips.  The very scary wooden old old old roller coaster.  omg.. I think about how unsafe it was and shutter.  But, oh, was it so exciting!  I could go on and on...but won't.  

The 'matching' of stories in the grandmother posting was quite wonderful.  I had so many emails and a few posted comments (some of you are getting more brave!) on how the writing brought back many many long forgotten memories.  I am so glad.

My grandmother used to tell me how important the memories would be.  I didn't really believe her or understand in my youth with the exciting unknown ahead of me. 

But.  

I understand now.  

Now they are quite important.

Soon I will write more about this.

Soon I will be seventy.

That I will write about.

Soon.

Speaking of posting comments....I have found that I don't like the word: "Followers." (which shows on the blog site).

Who wants to be a 'follower?'  

Not me.

'Friend.'

Yes.

'Fan.'

Maybe.

I don't blame any of you for not wanting to sign up as a "Follower!"

I may write blogspot and complain.

Christmas.

How was yours?

Mine was.....

Quite sweet in ways.  Secure and familiar in some of the traditions.

Crab and spring rolls on Christmas Eve.  (Used to be Mexican Chalupa when my home was 'home base'....divorce changes all that, ya know.)

But no more "snow/rain dances" with my brother in law.  (At our home base, there was copious drinking and much dancing.  Reverent, it was not.)

Morning Mexican food breakfast (that hasn't changed...having gin-fizzes first thing has!)  My my...

This year some key family members needed to be with siblings to connect for a probable 'last' Christmas with their mother, the matriarch, who will be moving on soon.

So.

My daughter in law's mother and I joined several friends for Christmas dinner.  

(Have not done that but once when my husband and I separated and it wasn't possible to travel to family.)

It was a delightful evening.  There were ten of us.  A 'different kind of family'.

Communal. Sweet.

And.

It also felt.......

Strange.

Am finding as I age that one, I, must become even more flexible, even more unattached to the way things 'were.'  Let go of my ideas of how things 'should' be.  Even more let go of  knowing what is 'supposed' to happen.

Just.

Let go.

Trust.

Be.

Okay.

With 'what ever' is happening in my life.

My my.

Grandmothers.

Were yours in your life?

I was so blessed.  I had both.  My dad's mom for a short time and my mom's for a long time.

Della, my dad's mom, sustained a stroke and that was limiting.  But she still made apple fritters almost every time I saw her!  My most vivid memory. 

My mom's mom my sister and I called Ga.  She didn't seem to mind.  

My mom and dad managed the small airport in Quincy in northern California.  It was pretty busy in the summer with tourists and fire season and because my sister, five years older, really hated having to take care of me I was put on the Zephyr in Keddie and had a glorious train trip to San Francisco (where Ga lived) sitting in the observation car.  There I would spend my summers.  (not in the observation car, but in SF!).

There was my dentist.  There Josephine Pomilla, same birth date as mine, lived on the corner.  There I learned to swim in Fleischaker Pool (was the biggest outdoor pool in the world.  more later.)  There Ga made my clothes for the next school year.

I'm getting ahead of myself.

Ga and I would go downtown (she and my step grandfather lived out on Ulloa about twenty blocks from the beach) to shop for fabric in Macy's basement bargains.  We always wore a hat and gloves!  We would take the bus and street car to this destination.  We would also always buy a gardenia (now my all time favorite flower) at a flower stand on Union Square.  Ten cents!   And, after sometimes walking for hours, we would go back to Macy's basement, take off our shoes and have a foot massage on the 'foot massage machine.'  Ten cents!

Ga was an amazing seamstress.  I was the best dressed girl at school.  She even made my sister's wedding dress.  I remember going to stores like Saks where my sister tried on gorgeous expensive gowns and in the dressing room Ga would be measuring 'nose to fingertips'  fabric volumes and taking quick little notes in her notebook.  The end result was this beautiful gown of white organdy, one layer of pink underneath,  delicate lace bodice and trim, pearl buttons down the entire back.  She totally disappeared in a cloud of white and pink working at the sewing machine.  The gown was stunning.  And unique.  My sister wore it.  Ga altered it for my wedding.  And it was altered for all three of my sister's daughters.  What a legacy.

Canasta!

My grandmother and I would sit out in the backyard in our swim suits, protected from the wind, and play Canasta FOR HOURS!!  I look back on that now and I surely hope she liked playing that game.  If she didn't....those are the kinds of sacrifices loving grandmothers seem to make.

Swimming!

Here I was a small mountain town girl and hadn't learned to swim.  There was only the local creek, Spanish Creek, by the airport, and it terrified me.  So I took lessons at Fleischaker Pool (it is gone now) where the zoo was.  It was enormous.  The lifeguards patrolled it in row boats!!!  There we would be.  I, freezing, in that salt water.  In that creepy creepy dark green slippery water where you dare not put your feet on the bottom...slimy slimy and god only knows what creatures lurked there!  Ga on the other side of a cyclone fence trying to stay warm in her fur coat, so foggy I rarely caught a full glimpse of her, dutifully watching, cheering me on.  

Then.

Lessons would continue in the bathtub at home.  I, still terrified.  Ga, lovingly holding me as I finally learned to float on my back.  (I loved her bathroom.  Was all white tile with those great small black and white octagonal floor tiles.)  And it had a tiny window that when opened you could reach out and touch the house next door!

After I learned to swim, we would go to Sutro Bath House at the Cliff House.  Oh, how I loved that place!  There were several different swimming pools.  A cold one that looked like milk.  A very hot one.  A fairly shallow luke warm huge one with slides and wheels (my favorite!).  And a diving one with even a high dive!  I NEVER went in that one!  The building was magical.  High high glass ceiling.  Many open stories with lots of wonderful and happy large plants everywhere.  I think it burned down many years ago....but the magical memories live on.

I was with Ga when she received the telephone call that my uncle Marion (her son) and NancyAnn (her twelve year old grand daughter) had died in a crop dusting plane accident.  I was too young to really realize what horror that had to be for her.  To lose a son and grand daughter......suddenly.

Ga's mother, Oria, lived with her for many years.  I don't remember much about her except her hair was white and piled high upon the top of her head and she had long long yellow fingernails that curled.  And that she was always very sweet to me.  

One summer Ga and Homer took me to EVERY statue in the San Francisco area!!  I took notes and made a report for school.  Got an A.  :0)

A little segue.

Josephine Pomilla, with the very same birth date, lived on the corner of Ga's block.  We became best friends.  Her family was very Italian.  Her father was a fisherman whose boat was moored at Fisherman's Wharf!!!!  On Saturdays, after Josephine cleaned the toilets ( sometimes I helped her to speed things up), we got to go out on the boat.  Wonderful memories of sourdough bread and salami picnics!  I got to go to a family wedding once and we danced and danced and even had a tiny glass of wine!

When my sister was down she and I would walk (or sometimes take our boards that fit over a roller skate and gleefully zip down those hills) those twenty blocks ALONE to spend the day at the beach and at ' Playland.'  Sometimes we would take money to ride the electric street car back home since it was all uphill.   No cell phones to checkin.  Just carefree childhood living.  

Aren't I so lucky?  To have those wonderful memories.

I had a personal best experience at my grandmother's.  There was a very tall and wide (especially to a little girl) hedge at the bottom of the front stairs up to the house.  The 'big' kids would stand on the wall of the stairs and jump way over the hedge to the grass on the other side.  I never could work up the nerve to do it and was chided often about it by those 'big' kids.  Summer was ending.  My sister had left for home earlier.  I was to leave tomorrow.  I stood on that ledge for probably a half hour.  Almost jumping several times.  My heart in my throat.  My whole body electric....knowing.....I was gonna jump before I left!  Finally, the moment came.  (I can't explain that moment, but I know we all experience it.)  I jumped!  omg...what an experience.  Flying through the air, clearing that wide wide hedge and miraculously landing in one piece on the neighbor's soft damp grass.

I never told anyone.

It was my big secret.

Til now.

I realize I wandered abit with this grandmother storytelling.  But I have to say, this cold gray winter morning sitting with my coffee next to my tiny firestove reminiscing about my grandmother and my memories with her.... has been enchanting.  

I left.. 'here.'

I spent time...again...with her.  I went to all those places.  Had all those experiences.

Again.

They were marvelous.

Thank you for sharing them with me.  I bet you 'matched' your own childhood memories.

Think about sharing them on the blog.  I would love to hear them.

Have a beautiful day.

  

Carmen's Favorite Letter

We will need to watch this girl grow up and see whom she becomes!

Carmen's preschool takes a letter from the alphabet and emphasizes it for a week.

However, last week was free choice.  The children were told to pick their favorite letter and bring something to share that started with that letter.

Carmen picked 'C'.

And.

Brought 'HERSELF!'

An Invitation To 'Snack Time.'

Well.

THE ultimate 'delicious' invitation.

Was scheduled to pick up my four year old grand daughter, Carmen, at 4:30 last Thursday from her day care school.  On the drive there she asked her mother to call Bonna (that would be me) and invite her to come for 'snack time' at 3:00.

So Amy called.  (Sharing she had no idea where this had come from or if it was 'allowed',  so to speak.)

I accepted.  (Willing to break any day care school rules for this opportunity!)

Flattered beyond.

When you think about it...what opportunities does a four year old have for exercising that kind of personal power?  Especially outside the home environment?

I love that this child has the innocent and confident demeanor to extend an invitation of this sort without asking permission!

Back to 'snack time.'

I arrived at 2:55.  Informed the staff of my invitation.  (Nothing was said in dissent.)

Carmen was elated that I was there.  Very proud and a little embarrassed at the recognition she was receiving from her classmates.

There would be seven of us at the round table (possibly 18" high).  Chairs (possibly 9" high) were placed around the table opposite our names.  I was, Layla, who had recently moved.  (Thank heaven!  Where would I have put my chair?)

Once the chairs were properly placed, we all got in line to clean our hands with the wall mounted antiseptic dispenser cleanser.  (This without any prompting.)

(I so regret not taking my phone for pictures, but am pretty sure you can get the imagery of all this.  Shades of Tom Hanks in BIG.)

So.

There was, working from my left:  Nora.  Adan.  Henry.  Ella.  Katherine.  And, of course, Carmen.

Napkins were handed out by Nora.  All of us opened them and neatly placed them in front of us.  (It probably doesn't take long to 'program', imprint, us...does it?)

Then one of the staff gave each of us two round wheat/seeded crackers followed by two slices of cheddar cheese. (Quite delicious and healthy.)  Small paper cups were at each setting and we, started by Katherine, carefully carefully filled our cups from the plastic water pitcher one at a time.

Now we are ready.  (I with my knees at my chin.  A large smile on my face.) 

This.

Happiness is.

Carmen, unprompted, announced:  "This is my Bonna."

(I think I will cry now.)

Love, proud recognition, from a grand child is better than love from a devoted dog.

There was a simultaneous eruption of grandmother statements, all with raised hands (more polite imprinting) to share:  "My grandma died!  My grandma is coming for Christmas!  My grandma made my dress!"

So a further stimulating conversation about grandmothers ensued.  (I struggled to hold back both tears and laughter.)  They were freely, matter of factly, talking about all of us grandmothers.

(I need to blog about grandmothers.  I don't know how I would have made it through my childhood without mine.)

I asked how many of their grandmothers lived in Whitefish.  Carmen's hand shot up and she said:  "Three!  Abi, YaYa and Bonna!"  If this was a contest, Carmen won.  (Abi is her great grandmother.)  Carmen is lucky.  To have three in her town.  Katherine, I think,  was the only other one to have one in her town.

Nora, however, trumped everyone with:  "My mommy had a baby boy yesterday!!!!!!!!!"

Very energetic conversation then segued into who was a big brother or sister.  Or had a big brother or sister.

I could go on and on about the basic joyful energy of this group of little humans.

It was so refreshing.  Their wide eyed wonder, beauty, innocence, sense of humor, unadulterated love of living....in the moment.

What a lesson.  For me.  

A staff member announced that 'snack time' was over and it was time to put on snow clothes to go outside.  A flurry of regimented clean up spontaneously popped.

Watching four year olds efficiently don often complicated snow wear is a wonder.

Motivation, however, is very high.  Unknown and known prospects of outside adventure are looming.

Carmen, however, is now going home with me.  Many hugs of goodbye were received.  (more tears.)  

She doesn't seem disappointed.

We have our own unknown and known adventures hiding behind the next moment.

"Thank you for inviting me to 'snack time', Carmen.  I had a lovely time."

"You're welcome, Bonna."

Woof! Arf!

Well...I chewed through the leash!

Finally couldn't tolerate feeling literally 'tied' to my computer via a cord to my cell.
Reupped with my cable server.  Got a smokin' promo deal on tv/dsl (plus free showtime!) for a year.  Figured I will likely have moved by then.  Or not.

Have to admit that alot of this breaking of the tether was due to the fact that I had been researching/exploring new tvs.  My dad's quit.  And an old 19" was crazy making to use.  So on Black Friday, I bought a 40" Sony.  OMG.....feel like I'm sitting in a theater........and lovin' it!  HA!

Is so embarrassing to be human, isn't it?  Always justifying our actions.  Like me saying to myself: "Well, I really 'need' to be current technologically, be up to date on current events, 'need' to be current in communications."

And before?  "I really 'need' to simplify, really 'need' to not get caught up in our crazy world on a daily basis, just listen to NPR and check out news online when I am moved to know.   Do whatever to help maintain a peaceful mind."

Ken Wilbur writes: 'Transcend and include.'  Perfect.  Simple.  Easy to remember.  (sometimes).

The 'include' part, I have found, is really important.  It is very tempting to 'throw away' what you have transcended:  things, people, places, memories.  Like running away from them.  Getting them out of one's life.  'SO' they will go away....out of sight, out of mind stuff.

But.

It seems it's the paradox.............again.   Always, always, the paradox.

I am this.  

And.

I am that. 

Simultaneously.

That's it.  That's the best answer. 

For me.

Tethering

Are you tethered?

I am experimenting with 'tethering' using my cell phone corded to my computer for internet service and noticing the paradox in the idea of being tethered.

It gives me freedom to be online wherever I get phone service.  But, conversely, I am restricted because I cannot use my phone if tethering.  (All this an attempt to drop expensive cable/tv services/be at the mercy of their dictates.)

It has caused me to contemplate the idea of being tethered.

My elderly friend is now on oxygen.  She is on a very long awkward tether to a machine in her home.  While it limits her freedom of motion, she can breathe freely.  She also has a very small portable pack for out and about which she may or may not use based on her self-disclosed tethering to vanity. 

I reflect on 'my' vanity tethering....reluctance to 'be natural'.  Camouflage age... with cosmetics, clothing.

I am tied to my house.  Questioning whether ownership is a good idea or not.  Is the convenience of owning my own home, doing what I want to it...making it 'mine'... having security/a safe haven for survival, worth it?  I would like to return to Idaho where I lived twenty years, twenty years ago.  Where I raised my family, have several dear lifelong friends (a 'love' tether, perhaps?),  have history/memories (more tethering?). Where I would like to live out my life. 

And.

I am tethered.

I have bought or built a few homes on my own and not being able to sell one 'when I wanted', easily, has been frustrating (mine has been on the market three summer seasons now).  Humbling.  Would be so easy to have a tantrum.  Quite honestly. Easy to lie on the floor and kick and scream and holler, at the injustice of it!  How dare the universe deny ME?!!!!    ME!   Perfect, deserving, wonderful ME.  

Yes.

Very very humbling is all this.

And.  I 'could' break the tether of feeling I HAVE to sell to move.  I COULD rent my house and rent in Idaho....let go, break that tether of home ownership/security?

I have two girlfriends who can literally get all they own in their cars.  And they do not own homes.  They are 'free.'  (and, of course, paradoxically, tire of a gypsy life).

Frankly, I think our ego selves love this dilemma.  Love that our minds can drive us crazy regarding 'just about ANYTHING!'

What is 'your' leash?

Relationship?  Job?  Health?  Money?  Addiction?

Maybe it's time for us all to chew through it and be free.

Woof!  Arf!